Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

A poem: Three Early Memories, 1974. Also, a dream.

Three Early Memories, 1974.

Sat fast, high-chaired
as shattered shell
scattered, fell, then lay beyond grasp. Scared;
they couldn't hear me yell.

The screaming, unreasoning.
Faceted yet unreadable,
gliding and sliding without hurry,
in single-file, silvery
(both hunter and quarry).

One last show, then it's time to sleep.
Tired boy, tries his best to keep
awake, can barely raise his head.
No matter; carried easily off to bed.
Lights out on the Christmas tree.
Oh, what happened to you?
Whatever happened to me?


A dream.

The date on the discarded local newspaper was Thursday, October 17th 1974, but the paper was damp and had been trodden on several times. Furthermore, the lack of traffic at what I guessed from the twilight to be about 6pm suggested a day of closed shops and no work. Sunday, the 20th October, 1974, then. 

I walked down the hill, marvelling at the old buildings that were standing, soon to be demolished — and the newness of the ones that I grew up only to know as old seventies constructions. The fields in the gaps between the houses looked identical to how they would appear to me when I’d smoke on the benches there as a lad in my twenties. 

Finally, as the dark enclosed me, I stood outside my home. I looked admiringly at my father’s cherry red Daimler in the garage, its length rendering the garage doors uncloseable. Through the leaded glass in the front door, I saw the kindly light on in the hall, heard my father’s voice, clear and confident from somewhere within. 

I was afraid to knock on the door. Somehow I felt he would know who I was and be frightened by it. 


PM

Sunday, 24 February 2013

The politics of indifference. Part one: why nothing matters.


Once upon a time, not long before school, when I was still tiny enough for my father to carry me to bed, I’d nod off on the sofa in the evening while he’d watch endless news and current affairs programmes. I remember thinking that all those people in suits on television seemed preoccupied with something I thought for years was called ‘polytex.’ It sounds like something you use to paper over the cracks. Well, insert your own shrewd social observation here. 

Politics never fascinated me as a career choice, an active profession. The Seventies were dominated by overweight middle-aged men in ill-fitting suits and wayward hairstyles — seriously, no exaggeration, do a Google search — or Mrs Thatcher and Shirley Williams. These people were never going to be lifestyle icons to the switched-on supercool hipcat I thought I was, evidently, and I suspected the conversation would be limited and dull. It all came over as so grown-up, so earnest. 

By the time I was a teenager, politics for me had social currency, but really only by way of being the main target of derision of so many ‘alternative’ acts in that most fecund of decades for stand-up comedy. It may seem hard to believe that Ben Elton was funny in those days, given his poor showings on more recent TV, but he was, yes indeed, ladies and gentlemen. Funny, quick-witted, impassioned and if he seemed a bit preachy from time to time… well, maybe I needed a little of that too. Margaret Thatcher in Elton’s hands became ‘Mrs Thatch’, indivisible from her coruscatingly insane, bouffanted and vulture-faced Spitting Image puppet, surrounded by hopeless eunuchs or equally insane wannabes. Like practically everyone my age, I got behind all the alternative comedians and their largely left-wing invective because it was cool, it was happening and it seemed to annoy the older generation, not least the stand-up variety acts — or at least those who lacked the courage to accept that things had moved on, socially speaking, and moreover felt their livelihoods were threatened. Comedy had indeed become the new rock’n’roll. Yet, still I was skirting around discussing any real politics, actual matters of Parliamentary policy. I didn’t know much about politics, but I knew for certain what I didn’t like. 

This vague, contrary conviction hardened up a little by the end of my time at school, when a number of my chums joined their local Young Conservatives Club. My grasp of Tory party policy was tenuous, but considering I’d spent the best part of the decade laughing at the contemptible Conservatives and their monstrous leader, I found this determination in my colleagues to vote for the designated bad guys (once they were of legal age, remember) baffling at least. It’s entirely possible that they were encouraged to join a social club that met with parental approval, the better to meet girls and be out of the house for a few hours — but all that besides, they really were, in my eyes, the most pathetic specimens in the Sixth Form: one of their number had the nickname ‘Square’ in recognition of his achievements in the dullest aspects of mathematics and the other, it was well-known, had embarked on a weird insect torturing-and-killing spree after being dumped by a girlfriend of four days. Not exactly ideal poster boys for the Blue team I’m sure you’ll agree — but interestingly, none of this made me want to vote Labour by way of contrast, either. I had a sneaking suspicion their shindigs would be populated by Red Flaggers just as inept, awkward and boring. 

The situation became more intriguing at college where I witnessed firsthand the active abuse of politics by individuals for personal ends. I’m talking about sex of course — it seemed so blatant to me that shaking a tin to raise money for a campaign to stop atrocities in Bosnia (this should date my time at University for you all) was done less out of sympathy for the people of the former Yugoslavia and mostly to get that redheaded Student Secretary for Social Justice into the sack. I have alluded to this before (here) and should point out instantly that I was as much a party to this hypocrisy as anyone. Believe me, my desire to attend a ‘die-in’ at Trafalgar Square in the mid-Nineties was motivated more by a shapely pair of pins and long blonde hair (neither my own, I hasten to add) than any previously apparent (or indeed subsequent) outrage at French Pacific Nuclear Testing. Apparently Greenpeace is 80% female membership, you know. However, as surely as I recognise this hypocrisy in myself, I’ve always been doubtful, in my dealings with people, of the motives in making their political affiliations overt.

Having said ALL of this, I find as I get older that my genial fence-sitting of old to be frankly rather spineless and increasingly feel the need to make a decision. After all, no-one’s truly apolitical, are they? It’s all just a question of whether an issue affects you, and/or if you allow it to do so. So, I’ll leave you with the promise that I have a countering essay lined up to argue this drivel. 

In the meantime, allow me to tell you a brief story of political terrorism that I perpetrated during my time at College. 

The end of the Spring Term of my first year at College coincided with the election of a new President for the Student Union and several ancillary positions on the Student Council. This was relatively exciting as I happened to know several of the candidates who went up for these posts. There was a tall, handsome, long-haired and cheerful chap called Wayne and his ever-present mate, Matty, who contrasted pleasingly enough by being shorter, fatter and bald, if no less jovial. There was another skinny, blandly earnest chap and a rather enthusiastic girl taking the number of Presidential Candidates up to four. Memory fails me on their names, but let’s call them, er, Phil and Clare. 

We had the hustings one lunchtime, where the four candidates stood up and stated their suitability. Phil came across as the crushingly mediocre kind of chap to run the Union like a business. He’s probably doing something tedious but well-paid in the City these days, in his forties like me. Clare sadly hadn’t really thought out her strategy but had been clearly put up for the job by being harmless, approachable and energetic. We won’t hear any more from her. But Matty and Wayne had the proceedings sewn up. Wayne outlined his plans to get bigger indie acts to play at the end-of-term College Ball — the rock’n’roll President card. Matty promised better funding for outdoor events, Extreme Sports Societies and other healthy fun. Both came off to the kind of applause a headline act normally gets at a gig. They were gonna give the people what they wanted

That evening I realised that Matty and Wayne had played their parts in the hustings almost as a double act. My feelings on who actually got voted in was secondary to my feeling that something didn’t seem right. I got out a pad of post-it notes and wrote on one of them, using block capital letters and writing upside-down, the better to hide my left-handedness further:

A VOTE FOR MATTY IS A VOTE FOR WAYNE.

I wrote on a second note: 

A VOTE FOR WAYNE IS A VOTE FOR MATTY.

My dormitory was part of the same building as the College refectory (it was a Catholic Convent, fascinatingly enough). An easy enough task to sneak downstairs in the wee small hours in stockinged feet, in near-darkness, and place the post-its respectively on Matty and Wayne’s candidacy posters on prominent display in the refectory lobby. I snuck back to my room and even destroyed the underlying post-it notes on the pad I’d written. Then went to sleep. The refectory opened at 8am the following morning. 

I padded downstairs at about 9am to considerable hubbub. It was hardly V For Vendetta, but I felt a thrill nonetheless as I queued for my breakfast to have one of my friends remark despairingly to me, “…but it’s sabotage!” and I nodded sagely. Oh, how I nodded sagely. Feigned ignorance. And felt mildly, deliciously naughty.  

Do you know, I think Wayne got voted in on a landslide majority. But I had expressed my pointless point of view.

I have never told anyone I did this until now. So feel honoured! 

PM

Now listening:
Radio 3 as standard. And lots of Maria Callas. 

Now watching: 
Monty Python And The Holy Grail (Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones, 1975) 
Monty Python's Life Of Brian (Terry Jones, 1979)

Doctor Who: The Ark In Space (BBC, 1975) — Top-form Tom Baker. Indomitable. 

Ashes To Ashes: series two and three (BBC 2009, 2010): after some wobbles in the first series the characters hit their marks and the plots are more engaging in the last two series, with a genuinely elegaic ending to round things off. Splendid and satisfying. 

Monday, 4 February 2013

Rant-wank for 2013.

It has to be said upfront, if the title of this essay didn’t convince, that your generally gentle and hopefully genial correspondent is not enjoying his 2013 so far. This time last year I wrote an article that expressed my fears for the future of HMV. It was hardly the most adroit piece of prophecy, but the news of past weeks still arrived with a degree of shock and suddenness; finally, this most eminent and estimable of music retail institutions is going into administration, its outcome uncertain. My main fear, voiced last year as now, is that without worthy shopping establishments and the opportunities they afford people to venture out into the Big Wide World and Deal With Other People (Possibly Strangers), we will find instead that the West End — the very heart of London for many — will become a deader place to inhabit. Sure, they could always open another restaurant on the site, but that’s all it will be — another restaurant.  

I’m reminded of a sketch Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie performed on their supreme Nineties TV show A Bit Of Fry & Laurie which involved a discussion about the then-burgeoning broadcast deregulation legislation that inaugurated the Satellite television era: the fear expressed was that while the acquisition of dozens more channels would offer more choice, and a break from the perceived ‘tyranny’ of the UK’s terrestrial televisual tetralogy (BBCs 1&2, ITV and Channel 4. We only had four channels on telly in those days. Yep, four. All terrestrial) we would be getting less quality overall as the new channels would be full of shit, to put it… er, much as it turned out. The corollary, as Fry & Laurie imagined, would be analogous to asking a waiter in a posh restaurant to exchange a single, dirty, solid silver spoon for a bin filled to the brim with thin plastic coffee stirrers. They may be all crap, so the punchline went, but at least you’ve got choice, haven’t you?

Sigh.

If truth be told, I wasn’t enjoying 2013 even before it had arrived. It’s strictly personal, not stuff I’m prepared to discuss, I’m afraid, as much as I suspect it would unburden me to do so. Please take my assurance that I have resolved, beside my New Year Resolutions, not to wallow in past problems and try to take this year as I find it.

As to the matter of those pesky Resolutions, I confess I did not make it easy for myself this year. Two this time around: no messing, no philosophy, both tangible and publicly achievable ventures. The first was simple in its unambiguity: Drink No Alcohol Throughout January. You may appreciate that the weeks leading up to and including Christmas involved a prodigious amount of jovial cavorting and carousing, to the extent that I presume my liver never caught so much as a whiff of a day of unqualified cleanness and sobriety throughout. All this Bacchic revelry ended, not with a bang but with a bit of a pop, on the evening of January 1st 2013, with the last of the inaugural bubbles and a valedictory cup of mead.

But now — it’s February and I have completed my task. Only on one day over the whole of the previous month did I imbibe, and since this was due to a friend’s birthday celebration — a day I had predetermined I would allow before I even embarked on this crazy venture — I can consider myself clean and sober for just over five weeks. Boy, were they long weeks. During the first fortnight on the wagon I would have told you that out of all my attempts at a health drive, this one was a right fucker and no mistake. Richard Harris once memorably referred in interview to the ‘fourteen boring years’ he spent on the Temperance Train and in some small way, I received an insight into how that felt. That sinking feeling that descended each and every time I realised that a particularly bad day at work could not be mitigated with a pint at lunchtime or several afterwards. The prospect of a sociable lubricant on a congenial Friday or Saturday night with friends — gone. I found myself spending more evenings in at home in January than I probably spent in the previous three months put together — and with that, a comcomitant insularity. Fortunately, I had Mrs M as my guardo camino, my co-traveller on the road to purity. I have to say that she seemed to operate as evenly and as sweetly-natured as ever she did, with none of my fuss and mithering — for which I was not only grateful, but quietly impressed. She is evidently a tougher cookie than I am, and a better person for all that too.

As for any physiological effects, well, I admit I did look forward with a morbid — albeit undeniably excited — trepidation to the prospect that I may wake shaking in tremulous delirium of a morning several days in. This has not happened. There have been two notable changes in my bodily function. First off, I have visibly lost some weight, mainly in my face, hands and about four inches off my waist. My double chin has receded to the point where I appear to have a discernible jawline. This has been a few years in remission, so it was a strange feeling, upon trimming my beard, to notice parts of my face that go in where previously they went out. I have knucklebones instead of dimples on my hands, and my fingers closely resemble those of my octogenarian mother, a detail pointed out to me by Mrs M and one I find delightful and reassuring.

The second change has been in my sleeping pattern. Whereas I used to be a strict 7am riser irrespective of workdays or weekends, I have found that I lie in dozing much as I last did as a teenager, and if left unchecked of a Saturday morning will awake some time after 9am. On more than one occasion I’ve not set foot on bedroom carpet before 10.30am, and frankly this appalls me. There aren’t enough hours in my spare time as it is. However, it has shown me that my main motivation in getting up was mostly dictated by hangover — and that’s not a good reason to spring out of bed prematurely. I do like my sleep, in its place.  

Anyway, while this hasn’t exactly been the most exciting thing in my life at the moment, I thought it would prove to be quite a useful thing to chronicle, given that it’s not been lost on me these past weeks that my announcement to undertake a month off the sauce was greeted in most camps with incredulity and a distinct whiff of scepticism. Before I took this on, I wouldn’t class myself as pathologically addicted to drink. Well, now I know for certain that I am not. It seems I have simply not tried hard enough in my alcoholic efforts. Well, good-oh for that.

Oh, my second New Year Resolution: learn to read and write music. It may come as a surprise to some of you that I have about as much technical aptitude in music as a spoon knows the taste of soup. As a child I remember learning the road signs depicted in The Highway Code. The colours and graphics fascinated me, but clearly not so much as to make me take up driving. Well, it’s time I learned how to navigate the High Cs, if you’ll forgive me. I’ve been crotchety of late, but now I’m positively quavering with anticipation. I used to stop at the pub and now I’m going to rest at the end of a bar. You’re not paying extra for these tortuous musical puns, you know.

Thank you, you’ve been kind. I’ll go now. 

But first, a drink.


PM



Now listening:
Lots of Radio 3. Like, lots of Radio 3.

Khovanshchina by Modest Mussorgsky (1839-1881). Exotically orchestrated Russian opera, written by a gifted man frustrated by his day job and consequently driven to drink. Well, aren’t we all?

Now watching:
Doctor Who: The Reign Of Terror (BBC, 1964) — The magical, mercurial William Hartnell as the original Time Lord, in a story set in Revolutionary France and featuring two episodes restored with stylish animation.

Doctor Who: Legacy Boxset (BBC 1979, 1993) — A fascinating odds-and-sods collection of documentaries and all extant footage of the ‘legendary’ unfinished Who story, 1979’s Shada, with the magnificent and unmatchable Tom Baker as the Doctor.

Life On Mars: series one and two (BBC 2006/2007): splendidly pungent and frequently hilarious 1970s procedural cop/time travel drama, with Philip Glenister’s immense portrayal of non-PC DCI Gene Hunt a standout creation.

Ashes To Ashes: series one (BBC 2008): the not-as-good but still-worthy sequel to Life On Mars.

Dirty Harry, Magnum Force, The Enforcer, Sudden Impact and The Dead Pool (1971-1988): Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry canon. Seemed appropriate after all that Gene Hunt.

Thursday, 23 February 2012

1967, part three: Sgt Pepper’s Sinister Summer of Love (Side Two).


My apologies, this has been some time in coming. Here’s parts one and two if you need reminding. 

Before I begin in earnest, let’s consider the importance of the vinyl album format. In many ways the rise of CD has simplified the running order of albums considerably — all you have to do is write a consistently brilliant set of songs and hope they play out in any order they may be shuffled. Things were different on vinyl — and in the late Sixties, when the album began to supplant the single as the primary text for any student of popular music, the running order issue became one of vociferous contention.

The most obvious formula for writing a successful long player is to assemble it much like a typical sitcom on ITV. By this I don’t mean ‘make the tea-making session between parts the funniest bit of the show.’ No, I’m reliably informed that the dramatic curve of a sitcom for commercial television can be expressed on a graph in a W-shape: you start with a bang, settle down for a while, but bring things simmering back up at the End Of Part One. Then, pick up the thread where you were after the ad break, explore the ongoing scenario, and continue rising until you end on such a big laugh you have to end. 23 minutes’ worth of classic comedy. Roll credits over rapturous canned applause.

Hmm. They also say that nothing kills a good joke quite like having to explain it, and it’s possible that charting {laughs [x]} over {audience expectation [y]}, or whatever, is not the way to get big woofs out of the general public and everyone out there in TV land. No wonder ITV haven’t had a unqualifiably brilliant sitcom since Man About The House and Rising Damp. Think about it. Yes, ask your parents if need be.

All that said, the theory at least is workable and has some merit — and since rock’n’roll is not the new comedy, we can safely apply this to many rock albums (though not all. How dull that would be). So, assuming an album has, say, five or six songs per side, you had to start with a strong opener. Obvious of course, but crucially this gambit must not necessarily be your best song, as you risk rendering anything that comes after it, no matter how brilliant, as merely second best or worse. The mood has to move sideways for the second song: something as bright, or something as interesting, but you can’t afford to take the mood down too early. By the third or fourth song, you can start to take the listener to different places if you have them, and the final song on Side One has to end the first half on enough of an intriguing high to induce an instant desire to flip the record and crack on with Side Two.

Play out this entire scenario in reverse, as it were, on Side Two and you had a balanced album with a bit of light and shade, some ecstatic highs and absorbing lows. Devising this made musicians play harder. It wasn’t enough simply to turn in good performances on record — suddenly you had to assemble apposite juxtapositions and create a seamless musical package that sold your artistic ‘vision’ as much as the songs alone. Some of the greatest musical moments on albums have often been down to imaginative associative planning as much as the songs in of themselves. A good album, needless to say, is a rollercoaster of emotion based on this agony of decision, especially if those involved have worked too well and produced an embarrassment of songwriting riches to cherry-pick.

With all this in mind…

Within You Without You — a song which could not have been placed anywhere else on Sgt Pepper than where it is, starting Side Two with a lush, opulent fade-up on tambura drones (see Getting Better on Side One) and a sinuous, ululating line from a marvellous bowed lute called a dilruba. George Harrison had of course experimented with sitar on Lennon’s Norwegian Wood in 1965, and created a raga-rock coalition in Love You To on Revolver a year later — but here he ventures into fully Extreme Indian Territory and we are like, so not in St John’s Wood any more, Toto. How delightfully alien it must have seemed to so many first-time listeners — after all, it’s a moot point just how turned-on and tuned-in the 1967 generation were as a whole. Don’t let extant Top Of The Pops footage of Carnaby-clad hipsters and leggy dollybirds fool you: outside the Swinging epicentre of London, much of the nation’s youth ticked along — short-back-and-sided, twin-setted and A-lined — as it had for years. Doubtless young people’s awareness of Eastern mysticism jumped exponentially in the Sixties, but the Raj had been over for a generation; I’d argue an average English person’s experience of Indian culture up till then began and ended with curry — or worse, Coronation Chicken.

With this in mind, it’s perhaps understandable that George Martin admitted feeling rather ambivalent, diffident even, at the time of recording, perhaps being unsure what to do with Hari’s epic sonic creation — but being Sir George, he rose to the occasion spectacularly. Working closely with the Indian musicians whom Harrison had hand-picked from a London Asian Music circle, Martin wove a Western string section into their web, painstakingly scoring and schooling the seasoned Brit session musicians to handle the microtonal slides and swoops that came so easily to their Indian counterparts. The combination creates a slyly enchanting haze of backing instrumentation that makes all other Sixties artists’ attempts at co-opting the Indian sound seem lumpen, ill-informed, gratuitous and touristy by comparison. The sitar on The Rolling Stones ‘Paint It Black.’ Dave Mason’s one on Traffic’s ‘Hole In My Shoe.’ Everything by Donovan — all splendid pop, but really…there’s no need.

Critical opinion has vacillated over George Harrison’s sole composition for Sgt Pepper for many years. I have seen Within You Without You on ‘Worst Songs By Great Bands’ lists. This is clearly wrong. Sure, the lyrics are a little preachy, as Harrison’s tended to be when his otherwise fine-tuned sense of humour deserted him, but the music is challenging, spacious, luxuriant and beguiling. The laughter that punctures the final seconds of the song has even been cited as a necessary apology for the song — as if Harrison played it to the other chaps and asked them how they rated it out of ten. Oh, tush. Given the cheerful, evident daftness of the next track, I think it’s there to let you know that the spaceship has landed back on Earth and it’s time to get a bit silly.

When I’m Sixty-Four — a brilliant piece of programming places this domestic vaudevillian pastiche after the cosmic exoticism of Within You Without You without so much as a key change. This has to be Paul McCartney’s goofiest song at this point in his career. How easy it is to knock, so closely is it identified with the questionable aspects of its creator: the breezy, instant ease of the melody, its sentimentality and palpably overweening need to please the listener. If McCartney’s assertion that he wrote it aged 16 is true then it’s also a sickeningly precocious ditty. Nevertheless, it is a brilliant song, with a sympathetic, gently wry lyric, a Light Programme-style score from George Martin and even a brief detour into minor key unease in the middle eights. It doesn’t even have a chorus as such, more of a perky musical punchline. It’s not pop, rock or indeed anything by anyone else in the same field — but what it most certainly is, is a credible part of the ongoing Sixties pop preoccupation with an idyllic English past. As such, it’s as valid and essential to the overall psychedelic experience as anything with big, backwards, phased electric guitars. By the time he’s trying for cheerful, chirpy, flyaway fun the following year on The Beatles (The White Album), McCartney’s sense of spontaneity has worn away and we’re left with the forced jollity of Wild Honey Pie and Rocky Raccoon. By 1969, he’s writing Maxwell’s Silver Hammer. Bear that in mind and be thankful for what we have here in ’67.

Lovely Rita — McCartney returns to less questionable pop grounds with a song — as is reasonably well known — originating from his amiable encounter with a local traffic warden named Meta. The eponymous association with her tools of her trade tickled McCartney and he was sufficiently inspired to write a song. Deviating from the facts of the encounter in an instant, his initial lyric held ‘Rita’ in a negative light until he realised that a declaration of love for this much-misunderstood street stalker might be more fitting for the times. The lyric is sung with a kind of slightly breathless, lightly Scouse insouciance (“fillin’ inna tickhet in a li’l white booook”) that renders the whole tune sun-filled and bouncy. Throw in some potty interjections on comb-and-paper kazoo, chugging scat-backing vocals and a suavely casual piano solo from — Ladies And Gentlemen — Mr George Martin, and it’s the kind of music that makes you glad you live in London in the summer. But hark, what’s this? Yet again, McCartney can’t quite let the light shine directly on his world as the song threatens to venture into bluesy minor-ish territory with an instrumental coda which drops the key by a full fifth. The lads, bereft of lyrics, chip in with numerous grunts and groans, mostly silly, but providing ample scope for imaginative misinterpretation. Even on such a cheerily flippant number, The Beatles seem to access the subconscious demi-world between the audible, the comfortably familiar — and the sinister, half-heard and mysterious. Not for the last time, either.

Good Morning Good Morning — John Lennon bought Kenwood, a mansion in Weybridge, on financial advice and peer pressure in 1964. Having never really known accommodation outside of suburban semis and flats, the Lennons inevitably found themselves rattling around Kenwood’s 22 rooms before eventually retreating to make home in a handful of smaller rooms to the rear of the property. John’s favourite spot was the sunroom. There’s a famous photo of him there, reading, recumbent, copy of International Times in hand and feet crossed upon the yellow couch. The walls were decorated with framed postcards, magazine clippings and stickers just like any art student’s digs. Out of shot, one can readily imagine the television set he’d installed in the fireplace — sound turned down but picture constantly on. All other information about the outside world came from newspapers. John Lennon would have been an enthusiastic proponent of the Internet, of that I have no doubt. Back in ‘67, with no need to tour, and no great pressure to produce any work, Lennon would survey his parvenu empire in this supremely supine state and eventually conclude that he was a deeply discontented man. Success had knocked the wind out of his ambition and the consequent idleness, married to free hours of experimentation with ego-destroying drugs, bred excessive self-regard, surrender — and ultimately — depression.

Fortunately, Lennon knew himself well enough to administer a kick up the arse sooner rather than later and he weighs in for the first time on Side Two of Pepper with exactly the kind of thing people love about his best work in The Beatles. A full-blooded cock crow and a sax broadside announce a punchy, pacy song with a mildly tricksy, restless metre and sly, knowing lyrics delivered with trademark cool. Absolutely brilliant. There’s a lot crammed into these tart, crisply worded lines; collected thoughts almost lifted bodily from a diary at points, it seems. Essentially the song concerns Lennon’s idleness, the need to address it and the (mostly sexual) things he does about it, but all couched in sufficiently vague enough terms so as not to arouse overt personal scrutiny — or worse, wifely suspicion. This was a tactic he’d previously employed, most notably when describing his incipient paranoia about celebrity in Help!, existential fear in Nowhere Man and an ignominious one-night stand in Norwegian Wood. All this and another superb McCartney guitar solo — stinging, flowing, dutifully obliging Harrison’s taste for something Indian, but inadvertently acing the younger man in the process. And for the five of you out there who don’t know — yes, the animal parade that takes the song to fadeout consists of beasts, sequenced at Lennon’s request, each capable of hounding the next: cockerel, cat, dog, elephant, huntsmen…until all that’s left are the hens in the farmyard.

At this point one last, daft bit of fun happens: one of the roosters morphs, sonically speaking, into a guitar and suddenly we’re back in the concert hall of Side One. This effect has been described with a small degree of rapture in some quarters, but it never really convinced me…until I heard the mono version. For some reason, the stereo edit makes the transition blunt, clumsy; the mono renders a closer, more satisfying execution of cluck into pluck. Once again I can only say: listen to both versions in quick succession and you’ll hear exactly what I mean.

Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (reprise) — the return of Sgt Pepper’s Band and their signature song was suggested by Beatles personal assistant Neil Aspinall when his charges found themselves stuck for an effective way to round off the album. It was an idea so self-evident, so elegantly simple that it was seized upon by the Beatles with instant zeal, Lennon quipping, ‘no-one likes a smart-arse, Neil!’ Even with the benefit of hindsight, it is difficult to imagine the album without it, and Pepper’s enviable reputation as a seminal ‘concept album’ pretty much rests upon this conceit.

A simple solution requires economic execution and here, perhaps for the first — certainly the last — time on the album do we get “THE BEATLES” as rock band, playing pretty much live in the studio like they could have done had they found a way to take the album out on tour. And as Paul McCartney has often — far too often — said, The Beatles were a pretty good little live band. So it shows in the recording, the last thing committed to tape in the Pepper sessions, made in half a day and featuring the band essaying their ‘traditional’ group roles: Lennon on rhythm guitar, punchy, almost loop-like drums from Starr, some stinging lead lines from Harrison, bass from McCartney — and all four on vocals. Notwithstanding the discreetly overdubbed organ stabs by McCartney to punctuate the song, it’s a palpably live and exciting recording, with the concert hall ambience only adding to the effect. The harmony is particularly arresting, consisting mainly of a held note enunciating the lyric line a fifth above the root of the melody — a simple, even lazy, tactic that  brilliantly contrasts with the scalar, rollercoaster movement of the main melody.

Even among the fun here, though, shadowy, half-heard things can be found: check out Lennon’s cheeky ‘bye!’ in between McCartney’s brisk count-in and the bizarre, smothered, hectoring vocal that fights to be heard over the song’s exit — an effect heard more clearly, but no less mysteriously, on the mono version of the LP. And then, of course, there’s the encore...

A Day In The Life — many words have been written on this song alone — up there with Strawberry Fields Forever among the most dissected and debated songs in the Beatle canon. There’s little to add to the words and voices of people more stylish, accomplished and eminent than I in this matter — or as Ian MacDonald put it in his sublime Revolution In The Head: ‘more nonsense has been written about this recording than anything else The Beatles produced,’ — but hey, I’ve come this far and nothing is going to stop me now.

Elsewhere, Albert Goldman in his ridiculous The Lives Of John Lennon, described the crossfade from the Pepper reprise to A Day In The Life as like a ghost ship with an ice-encrusted bowsprit, looming up through a freezing fog. It pains me to say that on this one poetic point alone do I agree wholeheartedly with the otherwise contentious and contemptible Dr Goldman and his astonishing, shocking and ultimately pitiful hack job on Dr Winston O’Boogie. Again we see the importance, the impact, of astute running order arrangement as the showbiz applause and curtain-closing finality of the reprise fades away to leave but a single pale shade on stage (the mono recording does this segue with more grace and less pace than the stereo version). It’s one of the most effective and chilling ‘and now we’re gonna bring the mood down a little’ moments in all pop music — the equivalent of ending a TV sitcom with a credits caption saying the lead actor has since died.

Has John Lennon’s vocal ever sounded so epically desolate, so glacial? Never happy with the sound of his voice on record (ironically for the rest of us), Lennon was so impressed with the quality George Martin invested in his vocal here — achieved through short, slap-back echo and a soupçon of reverb — that he seems to have used it on virtually everything he sang upon until his death. The idea was certainly not original — Lennon was no doubt pleased that Martin had made him sound as Elvis did on ‘Heartbreak Hotel,’ or Gene Vincent generally — but here the effect was pressed into service on a song described by some as a pop version of The Waste Land. The analogy is debatable, but there’s certainly something of the lofty Greek chorus about Lennon’s journey as he carefully unfolds his lyric — and what lyrics.

The opening verse seems to concern the death of Lennon’s friend, Tara Browne, a swinging socialite of landed gentry stock who had befriended various members of the Sixties pop aristocracy. Browne had met a tragic end in a car crash in December 1966, believed to have occurred while he was tripping on acid (no other people were involved). 

Consider Lennon’s stunning delivery, particularly as he observes “he blew his mind out in a car. He didn’t notice that the lights had changed,” combining head-shaking regret with enough glassy-eyed detachment to throw away the evident head trauma/acid trip pun. It’s a dark moment in one of the scariest, yet most eloquent and attractive things Lennon ever wrote.

But it’s not all John’s show. During the first half of the song, McCartney never palls and Starr shines brightly. McCartney lays down a lightly bouncing, perversely perky bass part that somehow never jars with Lennon’s epic sprawl. He also provides the eerie, Satie-esque piano part whose beauty lies in its distance — as if someone was playing a piece in another room entirely that just happens to fit (when we get to Magical Mystery Tour later in ’67, we’ll hear a full-blown rendering of this amazing idea). Starr’s drumming is dramatic, with a sure awareness of dynamics and the value of occasional silence — again played with such acoustic reverberance as to make it seem like an artefact from a previous recording that’s only been partly wiped off the master tape. Oddly, Harrison’s contribution throughout is almost nonexistent, providing only the persistent, if distinctive, maracas.

“I’d love to turn you on…”

For the final, scintillating time, George Martin brings an orchestral arrangement to the table that is arguably the pièce de résistance on Pepper. Here’s the biggest band on the planet, the most popular and populist — the band, as a result, in greatest danger of becoming so familiar as to be safe and unremarkable — bringing you, through Martin’s incredible orchestral orgasm possibly the most vividly alien, disturbing, psychedelic moment not only on the album, but in all Sixties pop. Other bands have pulled off some weird shit in their time, so to speak, but I can think of nothing that manages to convey such narcotic rush and dislocation, yet remain so studied, so (literally) orchestrated. No-one in that orchestra does anything unless Big Uncle George says it’s OK. What a turned-on, quietly hip cat that Sir George Martin is.

I use the term ‘breezy’ a lot when I consider McCartney’s output but it’s never more appropriate on A Day In The Life, with his melody at the bright centre of the song (‘woke up, fell out of bed…’) literally blowing aside the brooding dread of Lennon’s first segment. His piano playing here is funny, fleet-fingered and virtuoso — and never has McCartney’s winsome tone (recounting his memories of riding buses in childhood) been so welcome and comforting in its no-nonsense briskness. So completely does it do the job of cloudbusting Lennon’s gloom that even when Lennon returns with a wordless, lyrical vocal transition back to his section of music, the tempo retains an element of McCartney’s energy, with the piano part playing up and the drums now keeping rhythm rather than than mood. It’s a breathless sprint to the finishing line of ‘nowtheyknowhowmanyholesittakestofilltheAlbertHall…’, time for one last turn-on, an orchestral tune up and — thanks to eight hands overdubbed several times on the same grand piano — the ultimate drop out: a piano chord so massive and recorded with such sensitive attenuation by Abbey Road’s mics that by the time it fades entirely it is competing with the whirr of the studio’s air-conditioning system.

It’s not quite the end though. Those of you with dogs may notice their reaction just before the record ceases spinning. A brief high-frequency tone burst was added, at the outer periphery of human hearing, but well within canine range, guaranteeing a splendid time for Man’s Best Friend too. Straight after this — and replicated faithfully on CD — a section of conversational gibberish was cut into the runout groove, creating an instant mantra for anyone too stoned to get up and take the record off the turntable. Rumours abounded as to what this ‘message’ meant, either played forwards or backwards. In all probability it was randomly snipped, but it all added to the mystique of those smiling, sinister, shining Beatles.

So, it’s none too shabby, all told. Pepper persists in packing a cumulative punch that few other contemporaneous albums can boast. Its legendary tagline, A Splendid Time Is Guaranteed For All, evokes hip, Edwardian playbill-style frippery with delightful accuracy. While some songs are light in tone, nothing is makeweight; there are no filler tracks — if anything, it’s really quite surprising how short the album is, clocking in at under 40 minutes, yet feeling far more substantial and satisfying. An epic psychedelic voyage of variety tastefully pared down to its leanest, if not meanest. Touching on every age of human existence from childhood, youth, dotage and death, with lyrics ranging from the blissfully concise, the lysergically opulent, some half-heard, others semi-misunderstood…and all wrapped in Peter Blake’s wonderful cover collage of mysterious, delightful, disturbing and sexy images — it is, to use the vernacular, quite a trip.

Nonetheless, between the sunny, primary-coloured and blissfully groovy grooves, the year 1967 — as Bob Dylan would probably put it — was the one when the shit really starts to go down for The Beatles. I’ll discuss that next time.

But first, a drink.

PM


Currently watching:
A Fistful Of Dollars (Sergio Leone, 1964)
For A Few Dollars More (Sergio Leone, 1965)
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Sergio Leone, 1966)
The Outlaw Josey Wales (Clint Eastwood, 1976)
Pale Rider (Clint Eastwood, 1985)
Unforgiven (Clint Eastwood, 1991)
Gran Torino (Clint Eastwood, 2008)

I seem to have plenty of time for Clint Eastwood at the moment.

Currently listening:
Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (The Beatles, 1967) — well, what else, silly?